How to Give Feedback That Educators can Recieve
One of the most important parts of leadership in early childhood is supporting educators to reflect on practice, grow in confidence, and continue developing their skills and understanding.
Yet many leadership conversations that are intended to support growth can feel uncomfortable, emotionally loaded, or difficult for both people involved. In a profession built on relationships, these conversations matter deeply. They shape trust, culture, confidence, and the quality of practice across a service. Many leaders avoid these conversations altogether, not because they do not care, but because they care deeply. They do not want educators to feel hurt, disconnected, criticised, or unsupported. At the same time, avoiding important conversations rarely helps practice grow.
Across years of leadership coaching, mentoring, and in-service training, I have noticed that there is often tension around these conversations in early childhood settings. Educators can leave conversations feeling judged or like they have done something wrong, even when the leader’s intention was to support reflection and growth. The gap between intention and impact is where many leadership and mentoring conversations begin to struggle. The conversations that strengthen practice are the conversations educators can genuinely stay open to and reflect within. And whether someone can stay open in a conversation has very little to do with perfectly chosen words. It has everything to do with the relational conditions surrounding the conversation itself.
What the science tells us
Conversational Intelligence research by Judith E. Glaser highlights something important about human connection and communication.
When people feel judged, criticised, or emotionally exposed in a conversation, the brain naturally shifts into protection rather than reflection. In this state, people become more focused on managing the experience of the conversation than absorbing what is being said.
This is why even well-intentioned leadership conversations can sometimes feel unproductive or emotionally charged.
When people feel respected, valued, and safe within a relationship, the brain remains more open to curiosity, reflection, problem-solving, and learning. The conversation becomes something happening with them rather than something being done to them.
This is why the relational environment matters so much.
You can have clear observations, thoughtful insights, and genuine intentions for growth, but if the educator in front of you does not feel relationally safe, the conversation is unlikely to create the reflective shift you are hoping for.
Inside our Dandelion Project sessions, leaders often describe this as a significant moment of realisation. One participant recently shared:
“It dropped a pebble in the pond, and the ripples are just growing.”
Understanding that mentoring conversations are shaped by trust, connection, and relational safety first changes everything about how we approach leadership conversations in early childhood settings.
A relational approach to conversations that support growth
The Five Steps to Transforming Conversations provides a practical and relational framework for supporting honest conversations while protecting trust, dignity, and connection.
Adapted from Judith E. Glaser’s Conversational Intelligence framework and applied specifically to early childhood leadership, the model supports leaders to hold conversations in ways that strengthen reflection rather than trigger defensiveness.
Step 1. Create Safety
Before raising a concern or observation, begin by creating relational safety and connection.
This is where you communicate care, respect, and genuine positive intention. When educators feel valued as people, they are more able to remain open and reflective within the conversation.
Sometimes a simple statement such as:
“I wanted to raise this with care because I value you and our relationship.”
can completely shift the tone of the interaction.
Safety opens the door for honest reflection.
Step 2. Build Shared Intention
Clarify what you are both hoping for from the conversation.
This shifts the dynamic from correction to collaboration.
Using shared language such as:
“My hope is that we can think through this together.”
helps reduce defensiveness and creates a stronger sense of partnership and shared responsibility.
Step 3. Speak With Clarity and Care
Share what you have observed using respectful, grounded language.
Focus on observations rather than assumptions or conclusions. Invite the educator’s perspective and remain open to understanding their experience.
Honesty and care can exist together.
In fact, trust often deepens when people experience both clarity and warmth in the same conversation.
Step 4. Understand What Sits Beneath
Often the surface issue is only part of the story.
Pressures, uncertainty, confidence, workload, communication dynamics, or personal stress can all influence how educators respond in practice.
Creating space to explore what may be sitting underneath the situation helps move the conversation from reaction into understanding and connection.
When people feel understood rather than evaluated, they are much more likely to engage in genuine reflection.
Step 5. Co-Create the Way Forward
Conversations that support growth are rarely one-sided.
Work together to identify next steps, possible supports, shared agreements, or ways of staying connected around the issue moving forward.
When educators feel ownership within the process, they are far more likely to stay engaged, motivated, and committed to meaningful change.
The impact on practice, culture, and leadership
When leaders consistently approach conversations in this way, the culture within a service begins to shift.
Educators become more open to reflective dialogue, more willing to raise concerns early, more confident asking questions, and more able to engage in honest conversations about practice without fear of shame or disconnection.
Trust grows.
Communication becomes clearer.
Collaboration strengthens.
The feedback loop within the service becomes healthier because people experience conversations as supportive rather than threatening.
There is also a significant impact on leaders themselves.
Conversations that strengthen connection and understanding are energising. They build confidence, deepen relationships, and reinforce a sense of purpose in leadership.
Conversations that feel tense, unresolved, or emotionally disconnected can become one of the most draining parts of leadership practice.
The difference between those two experiences is often the relational approach the leader brings into the conversation.
And that is something leaders can intentionally develop over time.
Reflective questions for leadership teams
Think about a conversation you have been avoiding. What might need to be true in the relationship for that conversation to feel more supportive and constructive?
Which of the five steps feels most natural to you, and which represents an opportunity for growth in your leadership practice?
How would your team describe the experience of having reflective or practice conversations with you?
What would shift within your service if educators consistently experienced these conversations as supportive, collaborative, and growth-focused?
Bringing it all together
Supporting reflective practice is one of the most important parts of leadership in early childhood.
The way we approach conversations has a direct impact on educator confidence, team culture, professional growth, and ultimately the everyday experiences children and families have within our services.
This is about building mentoring capability, reflective culture, and relational leadership practice in ways that strengthen people, relationships, and learning over time.
The Dandelion Project supports leaders to strengthen mentoring capability, reflective communication, and practice-based leadership within a structured and supportive learning community designed specifically for early childhood settings.
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