Addressing Issues Early: How to Have the Hard Conversations Before They Get Worse
- Sarah Moore
- 6 days ago
- 5 min read
"The quality of our conversations determines the quality of our relationships." - Judith E. Glaser
April arrives, and with it, familiar patterns emerge. The initial momentum of the year starts to settle, and suddenly, things that seemed like small concerns, lateness, team tensions, inconsistencies in performance, begin to stand out.
At what point do we decide to step in, and what holds us back?
For many leaders, difficult conversations bring a deep internal conflict. We care about our team members, we value our relationships, and we don’t want to create tension. At the same time, we carry the responsibility of ensuring a strong, cohesive team where expectations are clear and accountability is part of a healthy work culture.
How do we navigate this? How do we address the issues that need attention without damaging the relationships we’ve worked so hard to build? Could it be possible that these very conversations, when approached with care and intention, might actually strengthen relationships rather than weaken them?
Why Do Difficult Conversations Feel So Hard?
If we pause for a moment, it’s worth asking:
What is it about these conversations that feels uncomfortable?
Is it the uncertainty of how the other person will react, the fear of making things worse, or the worry that by speaking up, we’ll create tension in a relationship we value?
In early childhood leadership, relationships are the foundation of our work. We spend time supporting, guiding and working alongside people we genuinely care about. The thought of saying something that might upset them, especially when we rely on strong team dynamics, can feel daunting.
Yet, what happens when we avoid these conversations?
Small frustrations grow, resentment builds, and expectations become blurred. Slowly, the very relationships we were trying to protect start to feel strained, not because we spoke up, but because we didn’t.
If avoidance isn’t the answer, what is?
Shifting Perspective: Can Difficult Conversations Strengthen Trust?
Many of us assume that bringing up concerns will weaken trust, but what if the opposite were true?
Judith E. Glaser, author of Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ) , tells us that trust isn’t built by avoiding difficult conversations, but by how we have them. When handled with curiosity, care and clarity, these conversations create a sense of psychological safety where people feel valued rather than judged.
How do we ensure our words land this way?
Perhaps it starts with our own mindset. If we enter a conversation assuming it will be uncomfortable, it often will be. If we enter it seeing an opportunity to build clarity, strengthen a relationship and realign expectations, the energy of the conversation shifts.
So before we begin, maybe the first question to ask is, What if this conversation could actually bring us closer rather than push us apart?
Bringing Our Values Into the Conversation
If leadership is about integrity, then surely the way we navigate difficult conversations should align with the values we bring to the rest of our work.
How often do we pause to consider, Am I handling this in a way that reflects the kind of leader I want to be?
For example, if respect is a core value, how do we ensure that even when addressing a concern, we uphold that respect?
Imagine a team member has been arriving late consistently. If frustration takes the lead, the conversation might sound like, You’ve been late multiple times, and it’s becoming an issue.
But if we lead with respect and curiosity, it might sound more like, I’ve noticed you’ve been arriving late recently, and I wanted to check in. Is everything okay? I also want to talk about how this impacts the team and see what we can do to get things back on track.
How does that small shift in language change the tone of the conversation? What message does it send, not just about accountability, but about the kind of workplace culture we’re creating?
Perhaps approaching difficult conversations through the lens of our values helps us stay grounded in who we are as leaders, even in the moments that challenge us.
What Happens When the Conversation Doesn’t Go to Plan?
Even with the best preparation, not every conversation will unfold the way we hope.
What happens when someone becomes defensive, disengaged or emotional?
Do we rush to justify our point, push harder to get our message across, or back away altogether?
Sometimes, the most valuable thing we can do in these moments is pause. Instead of reacting, we can ask, What’s happening for this person right now?
If they seem upset, do they need a moment to process before responding?
If they are defensive, have they misunderstood the intention behind the conversation?
If they withdraw, have they had negative past experiences with feedback that are shaping their response?
It can be tempting to push through discomfort, but sometimes giving space, adjusting our approach or even coming back to the conversation later can make all the difference.
The goal isn’t just to deliver a message, it’s to create understanding and a way forward.
Difficult Conversations With Families
The same principles apply when navigating difficult conversations with parents and carers.
How often do we find ourselves hesitating before speaking to a family about a concern, worrying about how they might react?
Many of the same fears arise—Will they get defensive? Will they blame us? What if they don’t agree?
But just like with staff, delaying difficult conversations with families can create bigger issues later on. Whether it’s discussing a child’s behaviour, a developmental concern or an issue with communication, families often appreciate honesty when it’s paired with care and collaboration.
Instead of saying, We need to talk about your child’s behaviour because it’s becoming a problem in the room.
We might say, We really enjoy having [child’s name] in our room and have noticed some challenges that we wanted to share with you. We’d love to hear your thoughts and work together on strategies that might help.
A small shift in language can turn a conversation from confrontation to collaboration, showing families that we are on the same team.
Building a Culture Where Conversations Feel Natural
If feedback only happens when something is wrong, it will always feel uncomfortable.
How do we create a workplace culture where open, honest conversations are the norm rather than the exception?
Do we offer regular, strengths-based feedback to balance constructive conversations?
Do we model openness by inviting feedback ourselves?
Do we encourage a culture of reflection and curiosity rather than blame?
When these elements are part of a team’s daily dynamic, difficult conversations become less about correction and more about shared growth.
Final Thought
Judith E. Glaser reminds us that "words create worlds", every conversation has the power to shape our relationships, our team culture and the level of trust within our environment.
If we knew that addressing an issue now would strengthen a relationship rather than harm it, would we still hesitate?
What if the conversation we’ve been avoiding is actually an opportunity—to build trust, clarify expectations and support someone in showing up as their best self?
As the months unfolds, perhaps it’s worth asking, What’s one conversation that’s been on your mind?
And what might shift if you approached it with curiosity, care and intention?
Would love to hear your reflections. How do you approach difficult conversations in your leadership journey? Let’s keep the conversation going.
Want to Learn More?
If you’re interested in how neuroscience, leadership and communication skills can transform the way you approach difficult conversations, I’d love to share more insights with you. Understanding how conversations shape trust, engagement and team culture is a powerful tool in leadership.
If you'd like to explore this further, reach out to connect, I’d be happy to discuss how these strategies can support you in leading with more confidence and clarity.
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