Loving Leadership: Using heart coherence in difficult conversations
- Sarah Moore
- Feb 11
- 4 min read
Updated: Feb 11
Why love and the heart–brain connection, belong in early childhood leadership
February often brings hearts, chocolates and talk of love. And while that kind of love has its place, there’s another form of love that fundamentally shapes early childhood services every day, even if we don’t always name it.
Professional love.
Not romantic or indulgent effusive love. Rather, professional love is a steady, courageous kind of love that shows up as care, commitment, and belief in people’s capacity to grow. What they talk about less, but live every day, is how love shows up inside leaders, particularly in the moments that matter most. It lives in the presence we bring to those conversations.
The heart–brain connection in leadership
Neuroscience tells us that leadership is a psychological task, not just a cognitive one. Our hearts and brains are in constant communication. When a leader is stressed, rushed or emotionally flooded, that state is transmitted, often unconsciously, to others. When a leader is calm, grounded and coherent, that too is felt.
This is why heart coherence matters so deeply in early childhood leadership. Heart coherence refers to a state where the heart and brain are working together, where emotional regulation, clarity and presence align. From this state, leaders are far more able to listen, respond thoughtfully, and stay connected even in difficult moments.
This is not about alternative thinking, it’s neuroscience. It’s about being regulated enough to lead well.
When caring deeply makes conversations harder
Consider this familiar moment that plays out in many services. A leader is preparing for a conversation with an educator they genuinely care about.
They see their potential.
They know their intentions are good.
But something isn’t working.
Maybe follow-through is inconsistent. Maybe documentation is slipping. Maybe other educators have to compensate to keep things running smoothly.
The leader's heart is already engaged. They're thinking: I don’t want to hurt them. I know how much they care. They’ve got a lot going on.
And without realising it, the leader's nervous system tightens and forces the conversation to speed up or get softened to make it more comfortable. Clarity gets lost in an attempt to protect the relationship. This is where leadership can slip out of coherence, where the heart leads, but the head doesn’t quite catch up.
Loving leadership integrates heart and head
From a Conversational Intelligence® perspective, trust is built when leaders can integrate emotional presence (heart) with clear thinking and language (head). Not one without the other.
A loving leadership style regulates through discomfort, it doesn't bypass it. When leaders take time to settle their own internal state, to slow their breathing, ground their attention, and reconnect with what really matters, the quality of the conversations they have changes.
From this heart-coherent state, leaders can:
name what’s actually happening without blame
speak with clarity rather than caution
stay connected even when accountability is required
There’s no threat. No shaming. No over-explaining.
Just a calm, respectful invitation to grow.
And something important happens here. When people feel emotionally safe and clearly guided, they don’t shut down. Rather, they:
lean in.
ask better questions.
leave knowing exactly what matters and what to focus on next.
That’s not just good communication. That’s regulated, heart-led leadership in action.
Love is not a soft option
In early childhood leadership, love means holding people to what matters, from a regulated, coherent state. Leading from the heart means leading with enough inner steadiness to be honest, clear and present, and retain your boundaries, even when conversations are uncomfortable. When heart and head work together:
conversations become safer
teams become steadier
and leaders stop carrying what was never meant to be carried alone
So perhaps the invitation this month is this:
Where might love supported by heart–brain coherence, be inviting you to slow down, steady yourself, and lead more clearly?
Because in early childhood, love has always been part of the work. We’re simply learning how to lead with it consciously.
Join the free webinar:
Managing Difficult Conversations
If navigating challenging conversations feels heavy, awkward or draining, you’re not alone. In this free, 60-minute interactive webinar, I’ll explore how early childhood leaders can approach difficult conversations with greater calm, clarity and confidence by working with their nervous system rather than against it.
We’ll explore:
how to regulate your internal state before a conversation
why heart-led presence creates emotional safety
how to speak with clarity without losing connection
This session is practical, reflective, and grounded in the real emotional and relational demands of early childhood leadership.
When you register for this webinar you'll receive a free copy of my leadership resource: Priming Conversations: A Leadership Reflection Resource.
Or join me for my other upcoming free webinars by registering here, or if you've missed the live event you can watch the recording in my vlog.
Alternatively you can book in a free discovery call to see how we can work together. I look forward to meeting you.
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